Dr Erika Schwartz, MD.: Tips for Men Dealing With The Hormonally Challenged Woman

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Tips for Men Dealing With The Hormonally Challenged Woman

Tips for Men on Dealing With Hormonally Challenged Women

Nowadays at least 40% of my practice is made up of men. While I spend my time helping women balance their hormones and hence their lives, I find more men come to see me asking for help with their partners. Many are desperate and confused. They want their wives back and they are willing to do anything not to loose them.

Today I want to share with you some of the concerns men have about their wives and partners and I am hopeful that I can help both women and men minimize the impact of hormone issues on our lives.

Believe me when I say,“At least 75% of problems between men and women in mid life are caused by lack of communication and misunderstanding caused by hormonal imbalances and the changes in behavior associated with these hormone changes.”

Now, let me get to the core of the issue.

We can’t accept things as they are as long as we think they should be different.
Once we believe our belief may be wrong, we can change.

Women are not just crazy. What men consider irrational behavior is quite rational to the woman.
When women start to age and their hormone balance becomes erratic, they no longer recognize themselves and feel unwanted and undesirable. (Don’t be surprised! All you see on TV and in magazines are sexy 18-year-olds flaunting perfect bodies. What normal woman feels comfortable when she sees herself in the mirror at 45 with a potbelly, love handles and unable to sleep due to continuous night sweats? Do you think any of the normal women in our country feel you guys want to have sex with us when all you are fed by media are perfect young bodies?)
When a man tells a woman, who feels bloated and ugly, that she is beautiful, the woman does not hear him. She may not trust him. (Examine your relationship track record and see how you’ve treated her before) There is hope though. Be kind and supportive. And above all, do not run around with other women. That will not make anyone feel better nor will it help the relationship survive.
If the woman becomes way too controlling, the reason usually is that she believes you will not do anything more than watch TV, read the papers and just sit there prostrate on the couch. Again, look at your track record. Did you ever help? If the answer is no, begin NOW. Offer to help and if she says yes, do whatever she asks immediately, not after you've finished reading the paper or as soon as the game on TV is over. If you've always helped and she is unreasonable, kiss and hug her and tell her how much you want things to work out.
Notice her. When she speaks, listen. Even if she is telling you the same thing for the 30th time, you may want to consider following through or simply acknowledge her. Put yourself in her shoes and try to understand how you would want her to treat you if the situation were reversed.
When women go through hormone changes, they loose their sex drive. They are devastated by this situation and either cover up for it by making believe they are still interested, or they start finding fault with you to create reasons not to have sex. If you and your partner are on the same page, you need to talk about this situation. Sex drive can be recaptured and it is not unusual for it to fluctuate. I know women in their 50s with tremendously high sex drives and women in their 20s without any sex drive. It is the change that causes consternation. If you talk about it and seek help together (Such as beginning a program of bioidentical hormones), the results will amaze you. Incidentally, the more sex you have and the more frequently you have it together, the healthier you both and your relationship will be.
Buy her flowers once in a while, for no reason. Take her out, become proactive at making her feel important to YOU!
Keep a sense of humor about you and her. Don’t make fun of her, make fun of the situations. Be kind, watch what you say and be aware of what she hears.
Encourage her to stop complaining about everything and give her reasons to be grateful for having you in her life.
Be grateful for having her in your life.
Grow trust between one another. Do not cheat, do not run away when the going gets tough. If you love her and she loves you, work through this time in your lives.

There's more to tell you, but for now, let’s just get started with this.

Thursday, July 27, 2006 in Men | Permalink

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Tips for Men on Dealing With Hormonally Challenged Women

Today I want to share with you some of the concerns men have about their wives and partners and I am hopeful that I can help both women and men minimize the impact of hormone issues on our lives.

Now, let me get to the core of the issue.

We can’t accept things as they are as long as we think they should be different.
Once we believe our belief may be wrong, we can change.

Women are not just crazy. What men consider irrational behavior is quite rational to the woman.
When women start to age and their hormone balance becomes erratic, they no longer recognize themselves and feel unwanted and undesirable. (Don’t be surprised! All you see on TV and in magazines are sexy 18-year-olds flaunting perfect bodies. What normal woman feels comfortable when she sees herself in the mirror at 45 with a potbelly, love handles and unable to sleep due to continuous night sweats? Do you think any of the normal women in our country feel you guys want to have sex with us when all you are fed by media are perfect young bodies?)
When a man tells a woman, who feels bloated and ugly, that she is beautiful, the woman does not hear him. She may not trust him. (Examine your relationship track record and see how you’ve treated her before) There is hope though. Be kind and supportive. And above all, do not run around with other women. That will not make anyone feel better nor will it help the relationship survive.
If the woman becomes way too controlling, the reason usually is that she believes you will not do anything more than watch TV, read the papers and just sit there prostrate on the couch. Again, look at your track record. Did you ever help? If the answer is no, begin NOW. Offer to help and if she says yes, do whatever she asks immediately, not after you've finished reading the paper or as soon as the game on TV is over. If you've always helped and she is unreasonable, kiss and hug her and tell her how much you want things to work out.
Notice her. When she speaks, listen. Even if she is telling you the same thing for the 30th time, you may want to consider following through or simply acknowledge her. Put yourself in her shoes and try to understand how you would want her to treat you if the situation were reversed.
When women go through hormone changes, they loose their sex drive. They are devastated by this situation and either cover up for it by making believe they are still interested, or they start finding fault with you to create reasons not to have sex. If you and your partner are on the same page, you need to talk about this situation. Sex drive can be recaptured and it is not unusual for it to fluctuate. I know women in their 50s with tremendously high sex drives and women in their 20s without any sex drive. It is the change that causes consternation. If you talk about it and seek help together (Such as beginning a program of bioidentical hormones), the results will amaze you. Incidentally, the more sex you have and the more frequently you have it together, the healthier you both and your relationship will be.
Buy her flowers once in a while, for no reason. Take her out, become proactive at making her feel important to YOU!
Keep a sense of humor about you and her. Don’t make fun of her, make fun of the situations. Be kind, watch what you say and be aware of what she hears.
Encourage her to stop complaining about everything and give her reasons to be grateful for having you in her life.
Be grateful for having her in your life.
Grow trust between one another. Do not cheat, do not run away when the going gets tough. If you love her and she loves you, work through this time in your lives.

There's more to tell you, but for now, let’s just get started with this.